At least that's about right for the consistency.... So I've been wading through lately. I get some things done. The lack of recent journal entries is well, because I've been rather slow. If the frequency of my old blog entries are any indication, though, at least I'm not as slow as I have been.
I know that I have to think, to get anything done. I've learned that lately, at least, and it's very important. Oftentimes I just want to forget about things, problems, feelings, anything, to try and feel better. Well, it never works. Even forgetting very small things keeps me from seeing the world with any amount of clarity. The only way to solve any problem, or come to terms with and get a grip on any feeling or emotion, or come to terms with anything period, is to think it through.
So it's been slow for me. Mostly because I'm very tired. I haven't slept very well all week. It's hard to think when you're tired, so I think that this has been frustrating in what I'm trying to carry out. I try not to feel bad about it because that just starts the cycle again.
So things have been okay. I finished some character work, some really good stuff that I think will really do it for me when I need to think about my characters and how they tick, so that I know myself better as well, them being part of me. I didn't get as much done as I wanted to, but it's only because I'm tired.
I'm just trying to find myself really. I can't be there for anyone if not myself. Or care for anyone if I can't care for myself and what I want, like I've said before.
Talking is easier now. It's easy to figure out that most problems are just people needing something and not getting it. And then it gets more convoluted because of society, and people no longer care about what they need, or feel that they deserve they need it, or some deny their needs altogether. People spending their lives trying to do what others want, because they feel that's the only way others will care about them or love them, and that that's the only way they'll be worth anything because they have no self-worth outside of "accomplishments" for others.
I don't so much hate myself anymore. I get mired in my feelings once in a while, but I think it's only because I'm tired and can't think my way out of it. Just my old defunct habits of trying to forget my problems.
I was stressing about having to deal with things again, and other people, but I'm starting, more recently, to come to terms with what we can realistically do and expect from things. Nothing is hopeless, and there is always room for good improvement, in any situation.
So as always, we can only do for others, what they will let us. It will grow in the age to come, of course, to be something we'd never dreamed. Remember that there are always people out there, caring people, as hard as they are to find, and that they will not go away.
So...I don't know. I feel like I'm forgetting something, but I also feel pretty cold and dizzy. And I need to eat. And I just want rest. So I'm gonna go do that.
Not here, mind you. If I'm not sitting here writing or doing something thought-provoking or creativity-related, I'm probably just wasting time trying to forget things again. These days I'll have to spend being introspective....And extrospective, when it helps. Just to think about and reflect on everything.
So that's all I can think of. Right now anyways. I'm sure more will come.
Don't forget.
Think instead.
