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Utsukushii akumu da.... Welcome to my beautiful nightmare. I'm currently...  Taelle is feeling...  Teh intrawebs feels...  So what do we do here? I write to better express myself. Otherwise my hobbies are mostly roleplaying, with some video gaming and a tiny bit of drawing, and wherever my ADD drags me in between. As for my current characters, I have two in creation, have my old Kirbies back up for play, Seth (Sett) and X Virus are around as well. If you want to RP or do something, just message me, if you see this page and don't know me, we probably won't be doing anything worthwhile, anyhow. Sorry but anytime I put screenames up on the internet I get an influx of about 200 spam a day. If you are incredibly repelled by words you would consider vulgar, or by the truth, this page is definitely not for you, and report to the Ministry of Truth immediately for unlearning. The Dethy, over and out.
How to use the tiny chat box thingy:
[3) Enter name for use in bottom field
[b) Enter text in the box thing....To like...Say stuff. O__o
[R) You can leave the http:// thingy blank if you want....
[Squee) What, that's not enough? |
You have to visit my mistress Taelle's site now!
I SAID NOW DAMNIT.Guess what today is....
DOOMSDAY! |
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
Which I guess is pretty unusual these days. I've been tired of life lately. Mostly I've been tired of humanity (or their lack thereof). It's been feeling like horrible, selfish, assholes are extending their influence into every aspect of my waking life. Ruining everything. I feel like everything good about life has been ruined by people. I was depressed a good while. Especially being sick. I felt like I couldn't enjoy anything about life anymore. I just wanted a break, to get away from humanity, to go live on the moon or some asteroid where nobody will ever bother me.
So I've been watching things again. It was probably the best use of my time anyways. I couldn't think or even focus enough to do anything else or even think. So I suppose watching stuff was the best way to get me to think and take care of myself. At the very least it reminded me of something good in life, watching nice things. So I finished Lain this morning. I felt a certain compulsion to do so, like maybe it would fill in the gaps in where I can't think. So I suppose it sorta did.
I suppose it reminded me what's important about being down here. Why I'm down here and why it makes any difference for me to be down here in the flesh. Why I've been given this body. I'm down here so I can be with people I love. I could be with them anywhere else, but their place is here, so so is mine. People get lonely down here on earth. I know that for sure, almost everything bad stems from peoples' loneliness and their deprivation of love.
So I'm here because I would be lonely anywhere else, without the people I love. But more than that, I'm here so that the people I love don't have to be lonely. So they don't have to be alone, because I can be here for them.
I guess it was a hard week, being sick and so exhausted in every way, it took me a very long time to even figure it out. I was depressed a long time, but I think I will be fine now. The fact that things worked out at all, is proof that it was all meant to be anyways. That everything went fine.
Thank you, Taelle, for waiting for me for so long. Everything you do, for me, or for yourself, still brings me all of the happiness in the world. I love you more than anything, and I will be with you now. I want to do anything with you, no matter what it is, whether it's all that great or not, all that matters is that I'm with you, and that's what makes it great. We don't have to be alone.
I love you, Taelle.
I'm here.
~Dethy
Posted at 05:10 pm by Fernandeath
 | | | Taelle
November 28, 2008 08:04 PM PST
Things still don't feel right in my life because I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting for something to happen that I have very little or no control over, and do not yet completely know what exactly it is that I am waiting for. And that I can't get on with my life until this phase is over.
Well life is definitely about phases. And everything is left to Divine Timing to decide what happens and when, so that things turn out the way they were supposed to. That doesn't mean that we're helpless or powerless to anything, but sometimes it feels that way since we don't remember what we signed up for. But just remember that we did sign up for everything we get... Otherwise we wouldn't be here in the first place. There is no god, or anyone, who could have forced us to do something against our will. Everyone, as well as anything that happens, has a divine purpose, and our spirits inherently already know this. Sadly we don't usually remember or understand the purposes of things, especially the ones that hurt us... but it's all for the better so that we can properly experience all things to learn and grow more efficiently as individuals. Then, in learning and doing things the best we can in physical life, we can eventually move on, knowing we have accomplished something profound.
And even when things feel miserable, I will keep picking up the pieces of my broken dream, and with the things I have learned, I can create an even bigger, better dream to hold onto.
I love you forever, my twin flame. | |
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