Which I guess is pretty unusual these days.  I've been tired of life lately.  Mostly I've been tired of humanity (or their lack thereof).  It's been feeling like horrible, selfish, assholes are extending their influence into every aspect of my waking life.  Ruining everything.  I feel like everything good about life has been ruined by people.  I was depressed a good while.  Especially being sick.  I felt like I couldn't enjoy anything about life anymore.  I just wanted a break, to get away from humanity, to go live on the moon or some asteroid where nobody will ever bother me.

So I've been watching things again.  It was probably the best use of my time anyways.  I couldn't think or even focus enough to do anything else or even think.  So I suppose watching stuff was the best way to get me to think and take care of myself.  At the very least it reminded me of something good in life, watching nice things.  So I finished Lain this morning.  I felt a certain compulsion to do so, like maybe it would fill in the gaps in where I can't think.  So I suppose it sorta did.

I suppose it reminded me what's important about being down here.  Why I'm down here and why it makes any difference for me to be down here in the flesh.  Why I've been given this body.  I'm down here so I can be with people I love.  I could be with them anywhere else, but their place is here, so so is mine.  People get lonely down here on earth.  I know that for sure, almost everything bad stems from peoples' loneliness and their deprivation of love.  

So I'm here because I would be lonely anywhere else, without the people I love.  But more than that, I'm here so that the people I love don't have to be lonely.  So they don't have to be alone, because I can be here for them.

I guess it was a hard week, being sick and so exhausted in every way, it took me a very long time to even figure it out.   I was depressed a long time, but I think I will be fine now.  The fact that things worked out at all, is proof that it was all meant to be anyways.  That everything went fine.

Thank you, Taelle, for waiting for me for so long.  Everything you do, for me, or for yourself, still brings me all of the happiness in the world.  I love you more than anything, and I will be with you now.  I want to do anything with you, no matter what it is, whether it's all that great or not, all that matters is that I'm with you, and that's what makes it great.  We don't have to be alone.

I love you, Taelle.
I'm here.
~Dethy